Coppell, Texas Assholes

This morning, on my way to my office in Coppell, Texas, I got into two near road rage incidents within five minutes. Now certainly, this is nothing new with me. However, what is new is that I was completely within the right in both incidents.

The first was at a three lane road. I was in the right lane, which was not a turn lane. The light was red, so I was at a stop, which I think is what is called for in such a situation. The person behind me honked at me twice. When I looked up, the light was still red, so I looked in my rearview mirror, where a little irate woman was waving her hands at me to go. I pointed to the red light, and pointed ahead, indicating that I intended to go through the light, and not turn right.

She honked again!

The light turned green, so I pulled a little into the intersection, enough for her to pull up, but not far enough for her to turn right. I then came to a dead stop and honked my horn at her. She responded by vigorously flipping me off.

So I pulled forward another two feet and stopped again, honking my horn a few times. I could see her losing her shit in the rearview mirror.

I pulled forward slowly and she took the right flipping me off more.

I didn't get her license.

Not five minutes later, I'm in the right hand lane of a three lane road. The posted speed limit is 40. As I'm not in a hurry, and I've seen people pulled over on the road (Beltline for you Dallas folks), I'm going 40. A black Camaro starts tailgating me and honking her horn. I can see in the mirror that the driver is a fat white trash woman and she's flipping me off!

I responded as I always do when tailgated, which is to take my foot off the gas (I don't put on the brakes) and coast until they get away from me. This sent her into a rage, which made me smile.

She finally got around me in the middle lane and took off. I followed. She slammed on the brakes and flipped me off again.

I can't let that go, so I start to shadow her and she keeps slamming on the brakes and flipping me off. I give her some room. She gets over in the left lane and I pull up next to her at a light. Jabba the Butt gives me a smile and waves. I flip her off (giving as good as I get) and she laughs.

She finally turns left where I need to go straight. I briefly consider following her, because I'm pretty pissed by now, but decide that in my frame of mind I'm likely to do something stupid, so will take care of it later.

How will I do that, you ask?

I got the license plate number of her car. With a few strokes of the keyboard on this new fangled internet thing and I've got her address, her name and the other SIX people that live in her house (I told you she was trash), a home phone number and a Google satellite picture of her house. Plus, driving directions there. A big "Thank YOU!" to the evil Baby Doc who taught me all the ins and outs of cyber-stalking!

I'm still considering doing something stupid: spray painting a big "CUNT" on the hood of the Camaro (don't worry, I'm not violent), but would rather do something smart. If one of my three regular readers have 1) a suggestion as to smart revenge, and/or 2) an explanation of just exactly what is up with Carrollton drivers, please leave a comment.

Thank you!