Laban's sons are pissed at Jacob's selective breeding of the flock and complain. Jacob tells Leah and Rachel their father cheated him since they are still technically property of their father, so they need to know what's going to happen next. They agree.
Jacob and family flee with their flock and property. On the way out, Rachel steals Laban's household gods, which by tradition confer head of household on the possessor. Laban's not going to like this.
Laban and kinsmen pursue. God comes to Laban and tells him not to say a word to Jacob, either good or bad.
Laban catches up with Jacob and tells him he won't kill him, but only because God cam to him. He is pissed about the household gods and demands them. Jacob does not know Rachel took them. As such, Jacob says to search and take what is his.
Laban searches everyone's tents. Rachel puts them in a camel saddle and sits on it. When Laban is searching her tent, he tells her to get off the saddle so he can search it. Rachel, who as we remember, had to have God "open her womb", says she's menstruating. As such, she cannot rise.
Now it's Jacob's turn to be pissed. He says he gave Laban twenty years of labor and Laban cheated him at every opportunity and would not have been rewarded at all but for God interceding on Jacob's behalf. He refers to God as "God of Abraham and Fear of Isaac". I like that "Fear of Isaac" part, implies a threat.
Having cleared the air, Jacob and Laban agree to peace. They build a pillar, witnessed by God, to this. Jacob agrees to take no more wives and both agree to never pass the pillar with the intention of harming the other.
They celebrate with their entourages into the night. In the morning, Laban kisses his daughters and grandchildren and goes home.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 31:24 - Laban is not to say a word to Jacob,
either good or bad. Since Jacob's dead, this should be an easy one to
comply with today.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Monday, September 25, 2017
Saturday, September 23, 2017
Genesis 30
Rachel is barren, so she gives her servant to Jacob. The servant, after being raped by Jacob, conceives a son. Bonus points for her being on Rachel's knees as Jacob rapes her, so that makes her just as guilty of rape under today's laws. Nothing like the good ol' days!
Anyway, Rachel's servant bears Jacob two sons.
Now Leah appears to be post-menopausal and can't conceive. Those twenty years Jacob spent laboring for Laban didn't stop the clock. So she gives her maid to Jacob for more rape and Leah has two more sons through her maid.
One of Leah's sons gathers some mandrake and Rachel would like some. She makes a deal with Leah that she'll allow Leah to lie with Jacob for some of the mandrake. Pimpin' ain't easy. This appears to be a good deal because Leah bears two more sons and a daughter.
God "remembers" (again, a weird way to describe something that shouldn't happen to an omnipotent being) Rachel and "opens her womb". So Rachel appears to be getting up there, too. She bears Joseph.
Joseph will be important later. Stay tuned.
Jacob wants to leave and Laban asks his price for his years of labor. Jacob says he'll take the speckled and striped, which are less valuable than the solid colored, from Laban's flock. Laban then takes all of those out and sends them away with his other son's with a three day headstart.
It is not explained why Jacob didn't question what was going on for three days when all the speckled and striped disappeared.
Jacob responds by selectively breeding the remaining stock, ensuring the strongest are born speckled and striped and the solid colored are less healthy. Jacob's flock is better and he becomes rich.
Anyway, Rachel's servant bears Jacob two sons.
Now Leah appears to be post-menopausal and can't conceive. Those twenty years Jacob spent laboring for Laban didn't stop the clock. So she gives her maid to Jacob for more rape and Leah has two more sons through her maid.
One of Leah's sons gathers some mandrake and Rachel would like some. She makes a deal with Leah that she'll allow Leah to lie with Jacob for some of the mandrake. Pimpin' ain't easy. This appears to be a good deal because Leah bears two more sons and a daughter.
God "remembers" (again, a weird way to describe something that shouldn't happen to an omnipotent being) Rachel and "opens her womb". So Rachel appears to be getting up there, too. She bears Joseph.
Joseph will be important later. Stay tuned.
Jacob wants to leave and Laban asks his price for his years of labor. Jacob says he'll take the speckled and striped, which are less valuable than the solid colored, from Laban's flock. Laban then takes all of those out and sends them away with his other son's with a three day headstart.
It is not explained why Jacob didn't question what was going on for three days when all the speckled and striped disappeared.
Jacob responds by selectively breeding the remaining stock, ensuring the strongest are born speckled and striped and the solid colored are less healthy. Jacob's flock is better and he becomes rich.
Friday, September 22, 2017
Genesis 29
Jacob falls for Rachel, his cousin, who is tending the sheep of Laban, Jacob's uncle. Jacob kisses her after watering the sheep she is tending and tells her he's her cousing.
Laban wants Jacob to work for him. Jacob agrees to seven years of labor if he can marry the beautiful Rachel. Leah, Rachel's older sister, had "weak" eyes. Not sure what that tidbit means, though the commentary says it means they lacked "luster". Doesn't mean she wasn't attractive.
Anyway, at the end of Jacob's seven years of service to Laban, Laban gives Leah (and her servant) to Jacob as a bride. He explains it is the custom among his people to marry off the oldest first. However, he will also give Rachel to Jacob for another seven years of service.
Jacob agrees. Laban must have some smokin' hot daughters if Jacob will work fourteen years for them, even after he's been lied to and cheated. Anyway, he does so, and Laban gives Rachel and her servant to Jacob for a wife. Success, 100%!
For some weird reason, Leah feels hated, so calls to God to give her a son, which God does X3. Let's see if that works in chapter 30!
Laban wants Jacob to work for him. Jacob agrees to seven years of labor if he can marry the beautiful Rachel. Leah, Rachel's older sister, had "weak" eyes. Not sure what that tidbit means, though the commentary says it means they lacked "luster". Doesn't mean she wasn't attractive.
Anyway, at the end of Jacob's seven years of service to Laban, Laban gives Leah (and her servant) to Jacob as a bride. He explains it is the custom among his people to marry off the oldest first. However, he will also give Rachel to Jacob for another seven years of service.
Jacob agrees. Laban must have some smokin' hot daughters if Jacob will work fourteen years for them, even after he's been lied to and cheated. Anyway, he does so, and Laban gives Rachel and her servant to Jacob for a wife. Success, 100%!
For some weird reason, Leah feels hated, so calls to God to give her a son, which God does X3. Let's see if that works in chapter 30!
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Channel 28
Isaac blesses Jacob again and forbids him from marrying a Canaanite woman, but to take a daughter of Laban, his mother's brother (cousin). Jacob will be fruitful and multiply and passes along God's blessing and lands of Abraham to Jacob.
Esau sees that Canaanite women don't please Isaac, so he goes to take a wife a daughter of Ishmael (half uncle's daughter, another cousin).
Jacob journeys to Haran and sleeps on the ground, using a stone for a pillow. He dreams of a ladder reaching to heaven with angels going up and down it. This leaves the question as to why angels need a ladder, especially since they're conventionally depicted as having wings. Somebody's got the wrong idea about the characteristics of angels.
God is at the top of the ladder and reaffirms his promise of Abraham and Isaac to Jacob.
Message: deceiving your enfeebled father to screw your brother out of his inheritance in rewarded by God. Take note, you schemers.
Jacob takes the stone used as a pillow, anoints it as a pillar to God, founding Beth-el.
Esau sees that Canaanite women don't please Isaac, so he goes to take a wife a daughter of Ishmael (half uncle's daughter, another cousin).
Jacob journeys to Haran and sleeps on the ground, using a stone for a pillow. He dreams of a ladder reaching to heaven with angels going up and down it. This leaves the question as to why angels need a ladder, especially since they're conventionally depicted as having wings. Somebody's got the wrong idea about the characteristics of angels.
God is at the top of the ladder and reaffirms his promise of Abraham and Isaac to Jacob.
Message: deceiving your enfeebled father to screw your brother out of his inheritance in rewarded by God. Take note, you schemers.
Jacob takes the stone used as a pillow, anoints it as a pillar to God, founding Beth-el.
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Genesis 27
Isaac gets old and his eyes dim. Knowing that the end is near, he calls for Esau to go hunt and prepare some food for him Isaac will then eat and bless Esau before he dies.
Rebekah is listening and tells Jacob to get get a couple of kids, the immature goat kind, not the immature human kind, from the flock. She will then prepare the food for Isaac and Jacob will get the blessing. She does so and dresses Jacob in Esau's finest clothes. She puts the skins of the kids on Jacob's hands and neck so he will be hairy like Esau.
Isaac realizes something is wrong because the food came so quickly and Jacob's voice. However, he believes the lie after feeling Jacob's hands and neck and smelling Esau on the clothes Jacob is wearing. It's not said how pungent Esau's clothes are. Isaac blesses Jacob.
As Jacob is leaving, Esau comes in with his food and tells Isaac what has happened. The blessing cannot be reverse, so Jacob becomes Esau's master.
Isaac blesses Esau and says he will break Jacob's yoke after serving him. Esau vows to kill Jacob once Isaac dies, so Rebekah sends Jacob to wive with Laban, her father, until Esau cools off. She does this despite fearing Jacob will marry a Hittite woman there.
Rebekah is listening and tells Jacob to get get a couple of kids, the immature goat kind, not the immature human kind, from the flock. She will then prepare the food for Isaac and Jacob will get the blessing. She does so and dresses Jacob in Esau's finest clothes. She puts the skins of the kids on Jacob's hands and neck so he will be hairy like Esau.
Isaac realizes something is wrong because the food came so quickly and Jacob's voice. However, he believes the lie after feeling Jacob's hands and neck and smelling Esau on the clothes Jacob is wearing. It's not said how pungent Esau's clothes are. Isaac blesses Jacob.
As Jacob is leaving, Esau comes in with his food and tells Isaac what has happened. The blessing cannot be reverse, so Jacob becomes Esau's master.
Isaac blesses Esau and says he will break Jacob's yoke after serving him. Esau vows to kill Jacob once Isaac dies, so Rebekah sends Jacob to wive with Laban, her father, until Esau cools off. She does this despite fearing Jacob will marry a Hittite woman there.
Two and a Half Men, Ashton Version
Never watched this 2.5 Men before tonight and based on this outing, no
reason to break the streak. Canned laughter drives me up the wall,
anyway, but they are crazily overusing it. You would think Sam Kinison
and Richard Pryor are exchanging riffs based on the "laughs" the POS is
getting.
Genesis 26
There is a famine in the land and Isaac goes to dwell in the land of the Philistines, heeding God's warning not to go down to Egypt. God reafirms to Isaac his promise to Abraham and gives to Isaac's descendants all of the lands of Abraham and promise to multiply them because Abraham obeys and kept God's charges, statutes and laws.
Taking a page from Abraham's book, he tells the men that Rebekah is is sister. The king catches Isaac fondling Rebekah for lying to him and possibly bringing guilt upon his people.
Isaac is very successful, so the king of the Philistines throws him out. The Philistines fill the wells Abraham's men dug, instead of using them for some reason. Isaac digs new wells, is successful again, so the king goes to him and they make peace.
When Esau is forty, he takes two wives and makes life better for Isaac and Rebekah.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 26:2 - To Isaac: don't go to Egypt.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
If you're not Isaac, seems a pretty easy one to do.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Taking a page from Abraham's book, he tells the men that Rebekah is is sister. The king catches Isaac fondling Rebekah for lying to him and possibly bringing guilt upon his people.
Isaac is very successful, so the king of the Philistines throws him out. The Philistines fill the wells Abraham's men dug, instead of using them for some reason. Isaac digs new wells, is successful again, so the king goes to him and they make peace.
When Esau is forty, he takes two wives and makes life better for Isaac and Rebekah.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 26:2 - To Isaac: don't go to Egypt.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
If you're not Isaac, seems a pretty easy one to do.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
God's Commandments and Kills: In 3D - Isaac and Jacob
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 26:
Genesis 27:
Genesis 28:
Genesis 29:
Genesis 30:
Genesis 31:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 31:24 - Laban is not to say a word to Jacob, either good or bad. Since Jacob's dead, this should be an easy one to comply with today.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 26:
Genesis 27:
Genesis 28:
Genesis 29:
Genesis 30:
Genesis 31:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 31:24 - Laban is not to say a word to Jacob, either good or bad. Since Jacob's dead, this should be an easy one to comply with today.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Monday, September 18, 2017
Advice For Youngsters: It Gets Better
If
I were asked to give advice to a young person, I would say that at some
point in my life I lived in an apartment where the sole decoration was a
Cindy Crawford poster where she was wearing an American flag bikini.
Why that poster?
Well, among me an my three roommates, we couldn't afford a Nagel print and didn't know how to get a knockoff.
This is the kind of decision that is made when you put the four best minds of their generation together in 1990. Needless to say, there was an unending stream of women in and out of that apartment.
That last sentence is a lie. But, young person, it can get better!
Why that poster?
Well, among me an my three roommates, we couldn't afford a Nagel print and didn't know how to get a knockoff.
This is the kind of decision that is made when you put the four best minds of their generation together in 1990. Needless to say, there was an unending stream of women in and out of that apartment.
That last sentence is a lie. But, young person, it can get better!
Thursday, September 14, 2017
The Important Part of the Ole Miss/Texas Game
I have received reports of Matthew McCaghnehey running around Oxford for
the big Texas invasion of North Mississippi tomorrow. I suspect that
rumor just might create some brand new female Rebels fans.
Sunday, September 10, 2017
How Not to Quip
How not to quip:
Context, chatting with a guy in charge of a crew that is laying a fiber-optic cable from Nashville to Dallas. He is grousing a bit because he has very little say over the composition of his crew and tells a story of some guy getting on the radio on the job to say, "I can't find the hole!"
Your humble narrator immediately in a knee jerk fashion, "That's what she said!"
Context, chatting with a guy in charge of a crew that is laying a fiber-optic cable from Nashville to Dallas. He is grousing a bit because he has very little say over the composition of his crew and tells a story of some guy getting on the radio on the job to say, "I can't find the hole!"
Your humble narrator immediately in a knee jerk fashion, "That's what she said!"
The confused look on his face means:
1. Not everyone watched The Office or knows who Michael Scott is.
2. From #1 above, that means no one knows that that character had a very corny sense of humor.
3. So when one makes a Michael Scott reference, it looks like the one making the joke is the one that's corny.
In any event, animal update. No chickens for the last two days. Kitty was missing earlier and was briefly afraid the snake got her. However, she was here when I got home. She's helping me watch tv now. I hope it's a good SNL or she's going to want to be put outside and that requires getting up.
1. Not everyone watched The Office or knows who Michael Scott is.
2. From #1 above, that means no one knows that that character had a very corny sense of humor.
3. So when one makes a Michael Scott reference, it looks like the one making the joke is the one that's corny.
In any event, animal update. No chickens for the last two days. Kitty was missing earlier and was briefly afraid the snake got her. However, she was here when I got home. She's helping me watch tv now. I hope it's a good SNL or she's going to want to be put outside and that requires getting up.
Nero
Nero, per Suetonius:
1. May have invented the mullet. He's described as keeping the front of his hair fashioned into ringlets and grew his hair long in the back.
2. Suetonius either didn't get into the persecution of the Christians or did it so briefly I missed it while I was doing a slow boil on I-40. However, they didn't appear to be special. His outrages against the citizens and army reached a degree where everyone turned on him. His final plan was to burn the city to the ground and release wild animals to attack the survivors. The army got to him before he could execute it.
1. May have invented the mullet. He's described as keeping the front of his hair fashioned into ringlets and grew his hair long in the back.
2. Suetonius either didn't get into the persecution of the Christians or did it so briefly I missed it while I was doing a slow boil on I-40. However, they didn't appear to be special. His outrages against the citizens and army reached a degree where everyone turned on him. His final plan was to burn the city to the ground and release wild animals to attack the survivors. The army got to him before he could execute it.
3. A fan of wrestling, hatched a plan to get the people back on his
side before coming up with the above burn it to the ground strategy. He
would appear completely nude in an ampitheatre before all of Rome and
kill a lion either by wrestling it and breaking its neck or clubbing it
to death. Hard to argue with the solidness of this strategy.
Friday, September 8, 2017
Sunday Night Football
Did Cris Collinsworth really just say, "When the tight end releases, you get movement."? Let's keep the NFL a family show, NBC!
Wednesday, September 6, 2017
Genesis 11
Men repopulate the world and the whole earth has one language but few words. I didn't pick up on the significance of "but few words". Does that mean man is in such harmony, nuanced speech is unnecessary? Anyway, men come from the east and settle in the plain of Shinor. They baked brick and built a city. Within the city, they started to build a tower to reach to the heavens.
God comes down (again, he doesn't seem omnipresent yet) to the city and tower. God is worried that if they complete the tower, "nothing" will be impossible for "them" (man). He then calls on "us" to go down and confuse their language and confuse them. Again, the reference to "us" indicates there is more than one divine being. More interesting, though, is that if man were able to work together, nothing is impossible. Including, it seems, becoming a threat to God. And since God just wiped out almost the entire human race a couple of chapters back, it would seem that he would have a problem on his hands if this were so. Better get to confusing that language!
The men abandon the city, called Babel. Also interesting is that in the immediately preceding chapter states that the sons of Ham, Shem and Japeth already have different languages. Is this story out of place in the chronology, or does this reflect sloppy editing?
The rest of the chapter describes the genealogy of Shem to Abraham. Terah is the father of Abram and Nahor, who is the father of Lot. Nahor dies in Ur and Abram and his wife Sarai take in Lot.
Asimov says the names of the descendant's of Noah's sons represent tribes or nations. The descendants of Shem occupy the Arabian peninsula. "Semetic", the name of the languages these people speak derive from the Greek/Latin name for Shem. Ham's people settle in the corner of Africa nearest Asia and speak Hamatic languages. Japeth's people settle to the northeast of the Tigris/Euphrates.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 11:6-7: Don't get above your pay grade and try to complete a tower because that will make nothing impossible. And God don't want that. Punishment, confusement of the language and you end up scattering.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Sounds like a lot of work and I'm comfortable with English. I'll pass on the tower building.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nothing, yet.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
God comes down (again, he doesn't seem omnipresent yet) to the city and tower. God is worried that if they complete the tower, "nothing" will be impossible for "them" (man). He then calls on "us" to go down and confuse their language and confuse them. Again, the reference to "us" indicates there is more than one divine being. More interesting, though, is that if man were able to work together, nothing is impossible. Including, it seems, becoming a threat to God. And since God just wiped out almost the entire human race a couple of chapters back, it would seem that he would have a problem on his hands if this were so. Better get to confusing that language!
The men abandon the city, called Babel. Also interesting is that in the immediately preceding chapter states that the sons of Ham, Shem and Japeth already have different languages. Is this story out of place in the chronology, or does this reflect sloppy editing?
The rest of the chapter describes the genealogy of Shem to Abraham. Terah is the father of Abram and Nahor, who is the father of Lot. Nahor dies in Ur and Abram and his wife Sarai take in Lot.
Asimov says the names of the descendant's of Noah's sons represent tribes or nations. The descendants of Shem occupy the Arabian peninsula. "Semetic", the name of the languages these people speak derive from the Greek/Latin name for Shem. Ham's people settle in the corner of Africa nearest Asia and speak Hamatic languages. Japeth's people settle to the northeast of the Tigris/Euphrates.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 11:6-7: Don't get above your pay grade and try to complete a tower because that will make nothing impossible. And God don't want that. Punishment, confusement of the language and you end up scattering.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Sounds like a lot of work and I'm comfortable with English. I'll pass on the tower building.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nothing, yet.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Tuesday, September 5, 2017
God's Commandments and Kills: Genesis 2, The Next Day: Abraham and Isaac
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 10:
Genesis 11:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 11:6-7: Don't get above your pay grade and try to complete a tower because that will make nothing impossible. And God don't want that. Punishment, confusement of the language and you end up scattering.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Sounds like a lot of work and I'm comfortable with English. I'll pass on the tower building.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nothing, yet.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 12:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 12:5 - Don't curse Abram. If you do, God will curse you.
Genesis 12:17 - Don't believe Abram when he tells you his wife is his sister. Because if you take Abram's "sister" into your harem innocently, God punishes you with plagues. Because that makes sense somehow.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
I don't know Abram and don't believe I've ever cursed anyone, so think that one's pretty easy to comply with.
Believing a lie to stock my harem with a beautiful woman? Can't say I've ever come across that problem. Reason one would be the "not having a harem" thing. I'm feeling good about the ease of complying with these laws.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 13:
Genesis 14:
Genesis 15:
Genesis 16:
Genesis 17:
Genesis 18:
Genesis 19:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 19:5-9 - Not an explicit commandment, but threatening homosexual gang rape and attempted breaking and entering gets you blinded and later destroyed by fire and brimstone (Genesis 5:24).
Genesis 19:26 - Looking at a burning city after being instructed not to yields turned into salt.
Genesis 19:33 - Getting your father drunk and raping him is unpunished, except that your weirdness is retold in the most popular book in the world for the next three to five thousand years at the least.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Most of us are not tempted by threatening gang rape, much less breaking into an abode to do. Should be pretty simple to avoid this one.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, save Lot and his two daughters.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, save Lot and his two daughters.
Genesis 20:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 20:2-4 - Don't take a married woman into your harem, even if she and her husband tell the half lie that she's not married. Luckily, if you do not touch her, even after believing the lie, you don't offend God (Genesis 20:6).
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Seems pretty simple to me.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, except Lot and his daughters.
Genesis 21:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, except Lot and his daughters.
Genesis 22:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Sacrifice your son if God tells you to.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
I would hope this would be impossible for you to do.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
One ram.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, except Lot and his daughters. One ram.
Genesis 23:
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 10:
Genesis 11:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 11:6-7: Don't get above your pay grade and try to complete a tower because that will make nothing impossible. And God don't want that. Punishment, confusement of the language and you end up scattering.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Sounds like a lot of work and I'm comfortable with English. I'll pass on the tower building.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nothing, yet.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 12:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 12:5 - Don't curse Abram. If you do, God will curse you.
Genesis 12:17 - Don't believe Abram when he tells you his wife is his sister. Because if you take Abram's "sister" into your harem innocently, God punishes you with plagues. Because that makes sense somehow.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
I don't know Abram and don't believe I've ever cursed anyone, so think that one's pretty easy to comply with.
Believing a lie to stock my harem with a beautiful woman? Can't say I've ever come across that problem. Reason one would be the "not having a harem" thing. I'm feeling good about the ease of complying with these laws.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Genesis 13:
Genesis 14:
Genesis 15:
Genesis 16:
Genesis 17:
Genesis 18:
Genesis 19:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 19:5-9 - Not an explicit commandment, but threatening homosexual gang rape and attempted breaking and entering gets you blinded and later destroyed by fire and brimstone (Genesis 5:24).
Genesis 19:26 - Looking at a burning city after being instructed not to yields turned into salt.
Genesis 19:33 - Getting your father drunk and raping him is unpunished, except that your weirdness is retold in the most popular book in the world for the next three to five thousand years at the least.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Most of us are not tempted by threatening gang rape, much less breaking into an abode to do. Should be pretty simple to avoid this one.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, save Lot and his two daughters.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, save Lot and his two daughters.
Genesis 20:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 20:2-4 - Don't take a married woman into your harem, even if she and her husband tell the half lie that she's not married. Luckily, if you do not touch her, even after believing the lie, you don't offend God (Genesis 20:6).
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Seems pretty simple to me.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, except Lot and his daughters.
Genesis 21:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, except Lot and his daughters.
Genesis 22:
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Sacrifice your son if God tells you to.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
I would hope this would be impossible for you to do.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
One ram.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
The entire population of Sodom and Gomorrah, except Lot and his daughters. One ram.
Genesis 23:
Genesis 10
This chapter is a recitation of the genealogy of Shem, Ham and Japeth. One of Japeth's sons is Magog, which I know we'll be hearing about later when we get to the apocalyptic prophecies. Japeth's sons reside in what is now Asia Minor/Turkey. Ham's sons inhabit Canaan and Cush, or the Egyptian empire as it stood at the time of the writing of this chapter. Cush is the father of Nimrod, a hunter and the first of the "mighty men". Shem is the father of the Semetic people, including all "Hebrews" who would become Israel.
Asimov discusses Ararat and extensive flooding that would seem to cover the entire world to the ancient people along the Nile, Tigris and Euphrates. He thinks the reference to the "fountains of the deep" might indicate a tidal wave, which combined with heavy rains and flooding, would be catastrophic to ancients living in the flood plain .
Sumerian legend tells of the great hero Gilgamesh who also saved his family and samples of animals on a boat from a bad flood in Sumerian legend. Noah's story shares other plot points with the Gilgamesh legend, indicating it is a much older tale.
The ark settled in the "mountains of Ararat", not a specific mountain.
No laws or kills in this chapter, just an ancestry record and setting the stage of the world from which Abraham will soon emerge.
Asimov discusses Ararat and extensive flooding that would seem to cover the entire world to the ancient people along the Nile, Tigris and Euphrates. He thinks the reference to the "fountains of the deep" might indicate a tidal wave, which combined with heavy rains and flooding, would be catastrophic to ancients living in the flood plain .
Sumerian legend tells of the great hero Gilgamesh who also saved his family and samples of animals on a boat from a bad flood in Sumerian legend. Noah's story shares other plot points with the Gilgamesh legend, indicating it is a much older tale.
The ark settled in the "mountains of Ararat", not a specific mountain.
No laws or kills in this chapter, just an ancestry record and setting the stage of the world from which Abraham will soon emerge.
Monday, September 4, 2017
Genesis 9
God blesses Noah and his sons, tells them to be fruitful and multiply. Further, God will put the dread of men in all beasts, birds and fish and gives all plants and animals to man to eat. However, a few rules go along with this gift:
* May not eat something that is alive or its blood
* Requires a reckoning of the blood of every beast and man; and
* If man sheds blood, his blood shall be shed.
God then again promises to never destroy earth by flood again and gives the rainbow as a symbol and to remind Him of this covenant. Again, for an omnipresent God, it seems odd that He needs mementos to remind him to not recreate the off the scales carnage He just unleashed on His creations.
Noah's sons leave the ark and become the fathers of all of earth's peoples. Noah plants a vineyard, makes wine, gets drunk and passes out naked in his tent. So the father and sons are going in different directions after the trauma of enduring the death of almost all life on earth. Anyway, Ham, who in verse 22 is referred to as Noah's youngest, becomes father of Canaan, who in verse 24 is referred to as Noah's youngest, (unclear if "Canaan" is a person or a general description of the peoples that lived in Canaan) discovers a drunk, naked, passed out Noah and goes out to tell his brothers.
Shem and Japeth get a garment and enter Noah's tent walking backwards so as to not see Noah's nakedness and cover him with the garment. Noah comes to and is enraged. He curses Canaan (again, unclear if this is Ham's/his son or the land) as the slave of the other two brothers. Seems a slight overreaction to these modern eyes, but this seems sanctioned by God, so who am I to argue.
Asimov discusses the enigmatic character of Enoch, the one that walked with God. Asimov notes that the genealogical chains of Cain and Enoch are very similar. Also, the extreme ages of the patriarchs appear to be borrowed from Sumerian legend, where many heroes would live up to 65,000 years. Enoch lives for 365 years before walking with God, coincidentally the same number of days in a year, while his father lives 965 years and his son 969.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesi 9:4 - May not anything alive or its blood.
Genesis 9:6 - Requires a reckoning of the blood of every beast and man. Not sure really what this means. I think it may mean that every death must be accounted for, such as a murderer brought to justice or thanks given to God for meat. Not sure, though.
Genesis 9:6 - If man sheds blood, his blood shall be shed.
Genesis 9:7 - Go forth, be fruitful and multiply.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
A rib eye served anything but rare is a crime, so we've blown past the not eating blood thing for the most of us.
Verse 6 is the first mention of capital punishment for murder. Cain got off light with his mark and wandering. I support capital punishment, and vote for politicians that also support it, although I've never directly participated in an execution personally. I think I pass.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nobody, but Ham and his descendants are cursed to be slaves by Noah. Thanks, dad.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Still beyond count. Going to have to reset the running total for the next section.
* May not eat something that is alive or its blood
* Requires a reckoning of the blood of every beast and man; and
* If man sheds blood, his blood shall be shed.
God then again promises to never destroy earth by flood again and gives the rainbow as a symbol and to remind Him of this covenant. Again, for an omnipresent God, it seems odd that He needs mementos to remind him to not recreate the off the scales carnage He just unleashed on His creations.
Noah's sons leave the ark and become the fathers of all of earth's peoples. Noah plants a vineyard, makes wine, gets drunk and passes out naked in his tent. So the father and sons are going in different directions after the trauma of enduring the death of almost all life on earth. Anyway, Ham, who in verse 22 is referred to as Noah's youngest, becomes father of Canaan, who in verse 24 is referred to as Noah's youngest, (unclear if "Canaan" is a person or a general description of the peoples that lived in Canaan) discovers a drunk, naked, passed out Noah and goes out to tell his brothers.
Shem and Japeth get a garment and enter Noah's tent walking backwards so as to not see Noah's nakedness and cover him with the garment. Noah comes to and is enraged. He curses Canaan (again, unclear if this is Ham's/his son or the land) as the slave of the other two brothers. Seems a slight overreaction to these modern eyes, but this seems sanctioned by God, so who am I to argue.
Asimov discusses the enigmatic character of Enoch, the one that walked with God. Asimov notes that the genealogical chains of Cain and Enoch are very similar. Also, the extreme ages of the patriarchs appear to be borrowed from Sumerian legend, where many heroes would live up to 65,000 years. Enoch lives for 365 years before walking with God, coincidentally the same number of days in a year, while his father lives 965 years and his son 969.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesi 9:4 - May not anything alive or its blood.
Genesis 9:6 - Requires a reckoning of the blood of every beast and man. Not sure really what this means. I think it may mean that every death must be accounted for, such as a murderer brought to justice or thanks given to God for meat. Not sure, though.
Genesis 9:6 - If man sheds blood, his blood shall be shed.
Genesis 9:7 - Go forth, be fruitful and multiply.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
A rib eye served anything but rare is a crime, so we've blown past the not eating blood thing for the most of us.
Verse 6 is the first mention of capital punishment for murder. Cain got off light with his mark and wandering. I support capital punishment, and vote for politicians that also support it, although I've never directly participated in an execution personally. I think I pass.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nobody, but Ham and his descendants are cursed to be slaves by Noah. Thanks, dad.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Still beyond count. Going to have to reset the running total for the next section.
Sunday, September 3, 2017
Genesis 8
God "remembers" Noah and recedes the waters after 150 days. Again, it seems God is not omnipotent nor omnipresent as it seems the last living things on his creation appear to have slipped his mind. The fountains of the deep and the firmament are closed and the rains stop, the first mention of rain as part of the disaster. In any event, on the seventeenth day of the seventh month, the ark comes to rest in the mountains of Ararat, which Asimov tells us lies in eastern Turkey. Then the Bible says on the tenth day of the tenth month, the tops of the mountains could be seen. However, the ark has already come to a rest in Ararat, but only now the mountains can be seen? I'm missing something.
Noah sends out a raven, which does not return. He then sends out a dove, which does. Seven days later he sends out the dove again, which returns with an olive branch. Seven days later he sends out the dove again and it does not return. Lots of sevens in this chapter.
Noah opens the ark to find dry land. Noah, his wife and sons and their wives depart, as do the animals who go forth to be fruitful and multiply. God says he will not destroy the earth in the same way again.
Noah then makes an offering of the clean animals and the smell is pleasing to God. God makes a covenant that he will never again curse the ground because of man or destroy every living thing as he had done. This appears to lift the curse on the ground he made in response to Adam's disobedience way back in Genesis 3:17.
No new laws from God and it appears God is done killing this go around. I wonder where the raven went.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Uncounted
Noah sends out a raven, which does not return. He then sends out a dove, which does. Seven days later he sends out the dove again, which returns with an olive branch. Seven days later he sends out the dove again and it does not return. Lots of sevens in this chapter.
Noah opens the ark to find dry land. Noah, his wife and sons and their wives depart, as do the animals who go forth to be fruitful and multiply. God says he will not destroy the earth in the same way again.
Noah then makes an offering of the clean animals and the smell is pleasing to God. God makes a covenant that he will never again curse the ground because of man or destroy every living thing as he had done. This appears to lift the curse on the ground he made in response to Adam's disobedience way back in Genesis 3:17.
No new laws from God and it appears God is done killing this go around. I wonder where the raven went.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Uncounted
Genesis 7
Now God changes his instructions to Noah to take aboard seven pairs of each clean animal and birds and one pair of each unclean animals. What follows is forty days and nights of deluge. Interestingly, despite what you've been told your entire life, the Bible doesn't say it rained.
Instead, it says the fountains of the earth opened up and that the "windows of the heavens" opened. This doesn't necessarily say rain and may refer to the firmament being a type of dome that separated the waters of the deep and the waters above. See the discussion in Genesis 1 of the concept of a "firmament". Asimov thinks this reference to waters other than rain may refer to a tidal wave. The flood covers the mountains and prevailed for 150 days.
Instead, it says the fountains of the earth opened up and that the "windows of the heavens" opened. This doesn't necessarily say rain and may refer to the firmament being a type of dome that separated the waters of the deep and the waters above. See the discussion in Genesis 1 of the concept of a "firmament". Asimov thinks this reference to waters other than rain may refer to a tidal wave. The flood covers the mountains and prevailed for 150 days.
Saturday, September 2, 2017
Genesis 6
Men begin to multiply and take wives. The "sons of God" marry the "daughters of men", but this does not make the resulting men from these unions divine. Now this is weird, who are these "sons of God"? The resulting men are the "Nephilian", the mighty men of old. This seems to be remnants of an older myth, like perhaps the Enoch story of being taken to walk with God.
Man's wretchedness makes God sorry he created man and decides to blot him out, except for Noah, who is righteous and walked with God. This parallels the other version of man's wickedness, seeming editing of two traditions into one. God commands Noah to build an ark and take his family and two of every creature into it.
Asimov underscores that the tale of Cain and Abel may be an account of friction between nomads (Abel) and city dwellers (Cain). In ancient Hebrew, a cognate of Cain means "smith". And indeed, one of Cain's descendants, Tabul-Cain, literally means the smith of Tabul.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 6:5 - Wickedness of men is great and men have evil thoughts continuously in their hearts. God's solution in Genesis 6:7 is a determination to kill all men except Noah.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Don't know. I'm capable of whole minutes of time during the day when I don't have evil in my heart. Might be different for others. YMMV.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
No new laws, but God seems quite peeved at man's wickedness. Don't like where this is going.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Zero.
Man's wretchedness makes God sorry he created man and decides to blot him out, except for Noah, who is righteous and walked with God. This parallels the other version of man's wickedness, seeming editing of two traditions into one. God commands Noah to build an ark and take his family and two of every creature into it.
Asimov underscores that the tale of Cain and Abel may be an account of friction between nomads (Abel) and city dwellers (Cain). In ancient Hebrew, a cognate of Cain means "smith". And indeed, one of Cain's descendants, Tabul-Cain, literally means the smith of Tabul.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Genesis 6:5 - Wickedness of men is great and men have evil thoughts continuously in their hearts. God's solution in Genesis 6:7 is a determination to kill all men except Noah.
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Don't know. I'm capable of whole minutes of time during the day when I don't have evil in my heart. Might be different for others. YMMV.
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
No new laws, but God seems quite peeved at man's wickedness. Don't like where this is going.
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Zero.
Friday, September 1, 2017
Genesis 5
A short chapter detailing the genealogy of Adam. Adam has many sons and daughters, dies at the ages of 930. The genealogy is a list the of ten generations between Adam and Noah, through the line of Seth, Adam's third son. Enoch, representing the seventh generation does not die, but walks with God and God "takes" him. At 500, Noah has his three sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth.
Short entry, but that's all that happens.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Nope
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Nothing
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nada
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Not this time
Short entry, but that's all that happens.
GOD'S COMMANDMENT(S):
Nope
DIFFICULTY OF FOLLOWING COMMANDMENT(S):
Nothing
GOD'S DEATH TOLL THIS CHAPTER:
Nada
GOD'S RUNNING DEATH TOLL:
Not this time
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