Grammar and Other Things Learned Friday Night

1. A couple of titles below betray my Arkansas public school education. The titles should refer to places I have "awakened", not awoken.



2. Ocean's 12 is the best summer movie I've seen all year.



3. I should not drink on an empty stomach. Actually, I already know this, but had to be introduced to the concept once again. For the hundredth time.



4. Just because I have some popcorn at Ocean's 12 doesn't mean I don't have an empty stomach.



5. If I can't find my car after drinking on an empty stomach, it doesn't necessarily mean its been towed. It means I'm a dumbass.



6. Crazy Cat Lady has made it onto the "Drink and Dial" list. This means she gets to look forward to calls at all hours of the night and being asked questions such as "What are you wearing?" and "Do you have any beer?" The best thing is, once you make it on the list, you can never get off. I'm still calling Crazy Dog Lady and we broke up five years ago, she lives in Connecticut ans she's married.



Congratulations, sweetie!

Quality from Matchmaker

Received the following in response to my online personal ad on Matchmaker:

"Hello!!!

My name is Natalia, I from Russia. To me has very much liked Your

structure, if You not against I with the great pleasure would get

acquainted With you is closer. Such men as you like me, and I would

like to learn about you more. If you has interested my letter to you

write to me, I shall send you the photo, and to speak you about myself

more. Write to me on mine e-mail natashkalovely@rambler.ru Write to

me I with impatience I shall wait from you The

letter.

Bye."


I elected not to respond, but you are welcome to.

Update on "Awoken" Series

Less than four hours after that was posted, I heard from an old girlfriend that she's now officially bewildered as to how she could have ever dated me.



I win?

Stroke of Genius on My Part

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1. Female



2. Nice caboose



3. Live in the DFW Metroplex



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This offer will currently be limited to 5, so any help on your part to enhance your chances of selection will be to your benefit (current pictures of ass, offers of sexual favors, etc.). I anticipate being deluged with response, so get them in early!

Places I;ve Awoken After a Night With My Mistress

Alcohol (other than my bed or couch):



Beds, couches and floors of apartments and houses of various friends, acquiantenances, strangers, and bar pickups



My own living room floor (post law firm Christmas party - still had on shirt, tie and jacket, but no pants and only one shoe.)



Strip Club VIP Room



Movie Theater (twice)



Front steps of girlfriend's apartment building (college - I either forgot the entry code to the door or was too faced to correctly enter it. Instead of going home, did the next best thing, conk out on concrete steps in 55 degree weather)



Hotel room in Memphis (college - evening started in Oxford, MS. I don't know the circumstances under which a trip to Memphis seemed like a good idea)



Hotel room in Biloxi (college - evening started in New Orleans. At some point girlfriend and I decided we wanted to fuck on the beach. Things went awry on the way)



Beach in Biloxi



Greyhound bus en route to Mobile (college - practical joke executed poorly due to getting shithoused in a shot contest)



Front lawn



Chair in lobby of police station in Paris, France



The levee in New Orleans



Couch in the lobby of my dorm in New York (law school - have no earthly idea why I didn't make it the extra 30 feet to the elevators)



Park bench in Washington Square Park in New York (law school - again, two blocks from the dorm - don't know why I couldn't make it)



Cabs (twice)



Gazebo in Audubon Park in New Orleans (college)



Bathtub (post New Year's Eve party 1994)



Christ, I'm going to go organize my own intervention.

Another Amazing Discovery

www.glothong.com

I'm going to be up all night reading

Just discovered this:



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